Batch #2: FOOTLOOSE! BEETLEJUICE! SOMETHING SOMETHING MOVIE REVIEWS!
song parody is not my strong suit
These reviews were originally posted on Facebook in mid-March, but I have expanded almost all of them here with either additional context or analysis, so enjoy!
THE MOVIES
Movie #6: Footloose (1984) | PG
That was a lot more religious than I expected? I probably should have seen the Ecclesiastes quote coming but I did not. Overall a sweet story in between all the macho posturing and unnecessary fisticuffs and domestic violence. Kevin Bacon was SO YOUNG. And Sarah Jessica Parker is TINY and adorable.
[Full disclosure: I watched this entirely while cooking and baking so I probably missed a lot. Pretty sure I caught all the parts where women got smacked around, though. No thank you.]
Movie #7: Beetlejuice (1988) | PG
[It was around this time that I started running polls on facebook when I couldn’t decide on a movie, and between this and Saving Private Ryan, Beetlejuice won so I watched it first]
The astronomy nerd in me is absurdly happy that Beetlejuice is actually spelled correctly in the movie and the title is just the more phonetic pronunciation
Also, baby witchy Winona Ryder is the greatest, and Alec Baldwin is practically unrecognizable.
Also also, I am convinced that the shrimp in the banquet scene is the reason shrimp is such a motif in The Good Place (in general I'm convinced there are probably 5 million references to Beetlejuice in the Good Place that I had no idea were there and will need to rewatch)
I suspect I am in the minority in finding Beetlejuice himself the least interesting part of the movie — no offense to Michael Keaton’s performance, but the character is mostly annoying while the world Tim Burton created around him, and the other characters — and their relationships with each other and with being recently deceased — were what I found most compelling.
Movie #8: Jack Reacher (2012) | PG-13
Proof that Tom Cruise is my problematic fave and I'm willing to watch him in just about anything, even action flicks as mediocre as this that treat women like garbage. I draw the line on bothering with the sequel though.
[That's the intent right now, anyway. I may reneg and watch it sometime anyway when I’m craving a mindless action movie. I am weak for Tom Cruise, ok.]
Movie #9: The Night Before (2015) | R
Okay, I watched it for Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Anthony Mackie. But aside from the occasional cringe humor and EXTREMELY INADVISABLE drug use, it's actually painfully cute at times, and the women in it, while not protagonists, felt respected and had agency and depth, which is rare in frat bro movies. Also, SO MANY JEWISH JOKES. (Though it's still odd to me that Seth Rogen is the token Jew when JGL is just as Jewish.)
Movie #10: Saving Private Ryan (1998) | R
NATHAN FILLION IS IN THIS MOVIE???
Part of why I put this one off for so long is because I knew it was longggg. And then the opening sequence was just a half hour of endless shooting and explosions and next to no character orientation and I nearly gave up on it. But after that half hour, it starts to become an actual movie, with, you know, storytelling and character, which is MUCH better. I think that opening sequence could have been a title card, or, if they wanted to preserve the visceral gory, repetitive impact of war, 5 minutes of screentime would have been plenty. (And I’m not even someone who hates explosions or well-constructed fight sequences. I just can’t get invested in them when I don’t know the characters, and the placement of this sequence keeps me from getting to know them for half an hour. I understand wanting to create a sequence that feels truly, brutally, mind-numbingly endless to mimic the reality of war, but I’m not sure that accomplishment outweighs the detractions.)
The rest of the movie is infinitely better (even though I still think the premise of sending an elite team to rescue one man for entirely sentimental reasons is completely silly), with really solid acting and writing and dialogue and action as punctuation, not as the whole baseline. Baby Jeremy Davies (Daniel Faradayyyy) was the best, and of course Tom Hanks was great.
Though I have to say [SPOILER:] I felt so bad for Private Ryan and his horrific survivor’s guilt, and Hanks shouldn't have demanded that he EARN the sacrifice that everyone made that he didn't ever ask for. His trauma and guilt was bad enough without that. I understand the dramatic reasons behind it, but that was cruel and unfair.
(Last note: I just found out that Edward Norton was originally offered the role of Private Ryan but turned it down. It’s not a very big part, but still, would have liked to see that.)
That’s all for now, but if you liked these review snapshots, subscribe to the newsletter!