A Quick Note on Understatement
BECAUSE SCREAMING IS EXHAUSTING!!!
Allow me to introduce you to an extremely useful phrase that I have learned from New York Yankees manager Aaron Boone.
It is the ultimate in responding to things that are so self-evidently bad that there's really not much more to even say but you are being pushed to say *something.*
As you might know, most post-game press conferences consist of players and managers getting asked incredibly basic leading questions that they somehow have to answer without being rude (unless they're Dustin Pedroia, in which case they don't care about being rude).
The questions are typically along the lines of:
"What did you think of your pitcher giving up 10 runs in the first inning?"
"How did you feel about X player striking out with the bases loaded?"
"What was it like seeing your outfielder trip over his feet and fall on his face?"
And Aaron Boone, bless him, will nod thoughtfully, with a straight face, and say, "Well, it's not what you want."
What did you think of your team striking out 15 times tonight?
"It's not what you want."
How'd you feel about losing 6 games in a row?
"It's not what you want."
What did you think of Aaron Judge getting hit in the face with baseball thrown by a teammate?
"It's not what you want."
So now I have introduced this to my catalog of phrases that help me respond when friends message me about the absolute terribleness that is constantly bombarding us, without completely losing my mind or just resorting to pure emoji-speak 🤬😭😤
The Supreme Court ruled that Trump can dismantle the Department of Education?
"Well, it's not what you want."
Elmo went on an EXTERMINATE ALL JEWS rant on Twitter?
"It's not what you want."
The Israeli government keeps instituting more and more extremist policies and refusing to hold early elections even though the majority of the population has been demanding it?
"It's not what you want."
Because it's not. But screaming about it isn't helping, so I'm going to try acknowledgement and understated gallows humor, and if you think that might be of use to you too right now, feel free to join me.
Thank you for reading this edition of SM’s Movie Cramming Project, where I, SM, mostly watch movies so that you don’t have to, but occasionally also give the internet a stern talking-to and encourage it to think about what it’s done.
If you’re interested in more understated and mostly non-screamy content, you can check out my novelette “Moon Melody” in Jewish Futures: Science Fiction from the World’s Oldest Diaspora, or my snapshot memoir, Millennial Quarter-Life Crisis: A Mosaic of Thinky Thoughts.